#more in the sense that someone needs to write a post about how duncan and bob had an intimate love affair with quotes from the books that

[rangercorpstherapy]

lmao so this fandom is really nice and kind and sweet until you say like 1 thing ‘incorrect’ . It’s an experience for sure but you ALL gotta chill OUT

we need more weirdos to get everyone conditioned to things that aren't cookie cut sfw fandom stuff

[real-total-drama-takes]

I understand the Gwen and Courtney ship now- I am so sorry lesbians- I am sorry I didn't see it or compute it right away- I had a conversation with my cousin who is the Gwuncan shipper we both agree the Gwen and Courtney ship very cute, very angsty, and full yearning of long centuries like these women be queer months ago-

I kept refusing to admit I was gay or queer for years even months ago then I had talk allowed about the Gwourtney ship with my favorite cousin of all time and I realized I was like oh- oh- OH!!!

OH FUCK- A BITCH BE GAY- ME- I UNDERSTAND NOW...

I think it's more happy little accident sometimes shipping two funny little cartoons and talking about it make you realize it ok to be gay or more!

This was in my stomach for months- felt not gay enough or normal enough ever because I thought lesbians were nature and my family was like no-no- no don't do that.

It's my favorite word honestly in Spanish now I am realizing they limited me to believe in something they were uncomfortable with me "being" or anyone around me being.

I try to stand up more not only for lesbians in my life but in general- sometimes we can change the subject when someone is on purpose transphobic or more in life. Like if you don't know how to use pronouns out the respect least have the human decency to use their name, okay?

I don't care if their trans, don't say that in general around me because you are dehumanizing them, and I am losing respect in the humanity I thought you had then walk away.

Or go I feel like you don't value me because your homophobic remarks so from now on when you don't respect my sexuality or tend to demonize me for not being straight like you wanted, I am now on creating space for me to grow without you, I don't want leave you out my life but I think it's best for both us to part ways for now for my feelings and safety.

Sometimes I believe we need to have moments with each other to be "real" aka sometimes talk to each other with respect even if we don't see each other often in the fandom like I don't think Gwuncan romanticize ship is good for me or my soul but I was make seem I don't care for it at all back then and only hated them for the said ship.

I value the ships now a bit more- for some reason if I love you and it meant nothing to me but it brings you value in your life it brings value to me... it means the world to me.

I mean we can still hate things but like don't take on your fellow man? Write it out in a shitty fanfic like I do or I don't know just work through the emotions.

I felt guilt because I tend shit on Gwuncan and didn't under Gwourtney because I honestly didn't see the potient of it happening years ago but now I see it's value.

It's value to someone I love it means the world to me and for her it brought her sense peace, reminder of our childhood, and loving memories silly childish hatred of Duncan but it was ability to know it was child crush and trying to act like these silly dumb cartoons as children...

Then crying over Gwen or Courtney never winning because here in America- I believe we got the endings of only the men winning sadly or made seemed Courtney was just straight up a hater for life- we didn't all full details over here!

Anyway- I am sorry dear lesbians and trans people due to my past and being raised in hate- it helps me a lot being in this fandom or reading your post/ fanfiction to be more comfortable in life in general.

I think I like girls now- well, being comfort with liking them in general without being so hard on myself or them- like slowly okay to leave the closet now even though I am hella scared- I am willing to risk my "spot" in the family or whatever they told me growing up~

But you go girls! Be gay or what not! Conquer the steam/STEM CAREERS~

WORLD WILL BEND TO YOUR KNEES LOL

oH YEAH BASICALLY you write your fanfics no matter what or how silly it is- it's important someone out there!

Be fluffy or horror filled if you need it for the plot too

Also, I need work on writing the TD girls and ladies better like more in general- she can live without a man! I swear she can, but I crave romance and stupid rom-coms I grew up with!

[iantimony]

twosday

we've got a two-weeker! last week I kept going "ah, I should write my Tuesdaypost", and then it was Saturday. so. ah well.

listening: back on an Astonishing Legends kick! listened to the 2 parters on bloodfalls and The Entity(tm).

Hypoxia - Thomas Giles and the album 'Pulse' that it's on.

the album 'I Will Write Your Song' by Matt Duncan. I should have listened to 'Soft Times' because the songs I have listened to that I like are both on there.

my roommate (listen, I don't live with her any more, but we share pieces of each other's souls so I am going to keep referring to her that way) also got me on these two songs that are major bops. good for Moving and Grooving.

Vois sur ton chemin techno remix by BENNETT

Pedro by Jaxomy

reading: literally so many academic papers. see the misc section.

watching: did a lot of youtube the past two weeks, just gonna post some highlights. a bunch of swell entertainment, not gonna post any one of her vids in specific.

how I reduced my screentime by 80% by reysu: something I've been grappling with is Ough, Too Much Screen, especially considering my day-to-day work is all on the computer too. did implement some of these tips, not sure how much it has helped me considering most of my screentime is on discord and messenger which I don't really want to totally disconnect myself from the same way I have on instagram/fb/etc without too much issue.

the importance of real things by Ted Kutina: I love you physical media

you can't fit your personality in an airport tray by Katie Robinson: some commentary on Style and Personality. not sure if it's just the period of time I grew up in or just something about me inherently or what but I never really had too much issue or thought with the idea of Finding My Style, I just don't buy clothes if they don't spark some joy or serve some purpose.

home organization for chaotic people by Caroline Winkler: found her channel as I overthink exactly where I want to hang up my wall art. she's an interior designer type but I was uncomfortably called out about how she talks about how she used to save every little scrap of anything that someone she loved may have touched out of a sense of guilt. I never really connected that to guilt, but, like, yeah. el oh el. made me think about some of the things I keep around and why.

fall reset guide (that'll actually help get your life together) by morgan Evelyn Cook: really loved the idea of a "morning menu" to replace the idea of a morning routine with.

playing: the biweekly dnd as usual. I have dropped the in-person game I've been playing in for now just because I am stretched too thin. I know this doesn't count but boy have I been thinking about minecraft. need her fr

making: I volunteered to do some drawings for an event my university is hosting in January that I will not be sharing on here because it will make me even more doxxable than normal. this has taken longer than I thought! I am more out of practice painting than I'd assumed so that hurted a bit, and one of the drawings was originally going to be a block print but I rapidly realized that an ink drawing would probably be easier and faster. neither of them are done yet but I have til Friday I think.

anyways I am back in pottery!!! I have made Two ramekins, Two failed ramekins that are teacups now, and a plate! I have never done a plate so that was a cool new thing to do. the real trick was to throw it on a bat and then put the bat in direct sunlight for like an hour before cutting it off.

eating: uhhhhhhh nothing notable really, lots of easy food and trader joes frozens right now because ough. oh wait I tried this bean soup that someone recommended. I forget who. it was. fine. idk it's just beans and garlic so it was just kinda underwhelming. I did get to use my immersion blender tho so that's fun. I have a different bean soup that I will hopefully make and try this week.

misc: dude writing my prelim document is SO SCARY. the introduction specifically is kicking my ass because it's like, "synthesize these papers you've read (and some of which you haven't, oops) into a coherent backstory for why the work you're doing makes sense and is important, for a field you're not technically trained in. also don't make it sound too similar to the thesis of the guy who was working on this project before you. good luck!!"

here is some astronomical happenings in The Corn. see you next week

[courtney-deserved-better]

Emoji fanfic ask

❌🛒🥺⛔️

⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?

ohoho, so many. ive posted excerpts from a few on ao3, such as the gwourtney tdwt rewrite that i scrapped & the trent comes back to tdwt instead of duncan au that i only wrote one chapter for. the rest are locked away in my files and seldom looked at.

there's a fic for a new season back on the island that takes place a year or so after tdrr with all new challenges that i gave up on after like two and a half chapters (nemma was the main couple for that one to give you a sense of how long ago i wrote it lol).

there's a tdas fic from alejandro noah courtney and gwen's povs (guess what the main ships are...) that i planned out extensively and then started writing for that i haven't worked on in years, probably because the actual writing of it didn't seem nearly as good as the planning did.

there's a really old gwent & nemma fic that i think was an au of the black friday musical? idk what i was thinking. it was bad. it was nonsensical and it was bad.

and then there was this whole high school au that mostly focused on the theatre department and was absolutely based on my high school that was a hyperspecific flavor of weird (us students described it as a combination of a summer camp and a cult so uh... i guess that isn't too far off from tdi).

there was also a post tdrr season i planned out that took place on a cruise ship and contestants competed in trios? i read the one and only chapter i wrote for that and apparently alejandro had a younger sister named marcela who is honestly kind of an icon lol i should bring her back for a different fic or something.

and pretty much assume that for every season of total drama, i had at least one rewrite planned that i eventually abandoned. honestly it's sort of a long term goal of mine to write my own version of every season of td. i've got tdwt with slippery slopes, tdrr with amicus curiae, and eventually tdi with the courtney time travel au. we'll see how long that takes lmao it's already been over a year and i'm like 40% done at the most.

❌ What's a trope you will never write?

probably any kind of soulmate au. i just don't like the idea of a romance that's so predestined that there isn't any real development between the characters. i like to read and write feelings growing organically, and when the characters instantly lock eyes and have this automatic deep connection it just feels very artificial to me. that's not to say that all soulmate aus are like that, and there's actually one or two (non td) that i enjoy and regularly reread.

but i think to write a soulmate au i would need a very strong plot revolving around soulmarks and whatnot and i would rather just have the plot without the soulmates. i feel like the concept of soulmates implies that there's only one person a character can have a meaningful relationship with and once they find that person the relationship will be perfect.

i like reading/writing about the struggles that come with making the choice to be with someone you love without any certainty that they'll be your perfect person forever. the fact that you don't have that certainty but choose to stay and foster a relationship and have that hope for a bright future together makes it a lot more meaningful to me. i also feel like soulmate aus tend to prioritize romance much higher than friendship and those are two kinds of relationships that i like to place on equal ground in my writing.

im not trying to say that all soulmate aus are bad, or that ppl shouldn't enjoy them. they can absolutely be some people's jam and if it makes you happy then go for it! there are definitely tropes i like that other people don't for valid reasons and that's all okay.

thanks for the ask!

[jumpedthenfell-13]

To add onto this, let’s look at Gwen’s pov of this !!

Gwen likes her life after Total Drama.

Of course, there’s always the fear that she’s hated by the fans, but that was mostly while the show was going on.

She was shocked to see that they hated Duncan instead, and that most of the posts about her were sympathetic.

Bridgette tells her she shouldn’t be surprised, even now. It was very clear to everyone on the show what was going on between her and Courtney.

She never directly tells her about how many nights she and Courtney would sneak out of the cabin, up to their favourite spot on the top of the cliff. She never directly tells her about just how hopelessly in love with Courtney she was, but she has a sense that Bridgette knows, just based on how heartbroken she was after Courtney got together with Duncan.

She does, however, tell Bridgette that Courtney came to her to ask if she should get together with Duncan. She does tell Bridgette that she told Courtney she should, if only to make her happy.

It’s a year later when Trent teaches her how to play guitar. Two years later when she discovers her own passion for music.

Three years later when she becomes a popular singer.

She’s tried out different topics for songs; stress, strong friendships, that feeling of always being out of place, although that one was more because of memories from when she felt that way before Total Drama.

But no matter how many topics she writes about, she always comes back to love.

The feedback from fans is that her songs are different from the other love songs, and that hers are more like an unrequited love. There’s speculation from people who watched Total Drama that her love songs are about Courtney.

She never plans to confirm on the internet that all of them are, in fact, correct.

It’s seven years later that she’s preparing for a show somewhere in California. She catches herself thinking about Courtney again as she practices a song that she’s seen countless videos of people crying to.

She catches herself thinking about Courtney again multiple times throughout the show, specifically in the songs about her. It leaves an adoring tone in her voice during the soft ones and a heart-wrenching agony in the tone she sings in during the sadder ones. It leaves a shakiness in her voice as she talks about her favourite of the songs about Courtney.

Fans will say that it’s her best performance of them yet. They’ll say that she’s never performed them with that amount of emotion, even if she always tries to put as much feeling as she can into the songs.

When she’s done the show, Bridgette says someone in the crowd looked familiar. She says someone in that crowd looked a lot like Courtney.

Gwen talks to countless fans on her way out, taking pictures and even offering guitar picks to those who give her little gifts. She smiles and she laughs and she politely shakes her head when guys ask for her phone number, just as she does for every show. And then she looks for the girl Bridgette was talking about, even if she’s just a fan who looked like Courtney.

She sees her just before she’s about to give up and head back to her hotel room.

She sees her at the merch booth, buying a hoodie.

It’s been seven years. She looks completely different and exactly the same at once. Gwen’s sixteen again, watching Courtney from across the camp with a soft smile.

She’s sixteen again as the girl turns her head and their eyes meet. It’s a warm summer night and they’re laying on the grass and stargazing together, and Gwen is reaching a hand out wordlessly and gently grabbing Courtney’s hand, and neither are talking, but the moment is so intimate that they don’t need to.

They hold eye contact, and her eyes widen slightly in a familiar way.

It is, undeniably, Courtney.

And Gwen doesn’t think she can stop herself from falling in love a second time.

I FINALLY found my favourite idea for the timeskip in my tdi rewrite au with the gwourtney situationship (it’s NOT in courtneys pov but there might be like one chapter where it is) so:

Courtney is 23. It’s been 7 years since she was on Total Drama, and things have been going well for her. She’s in law school, she’s got new friends, and she absolutely does NOT miss anyone from Total Drama. Obviously.

She absolutely doesn’t think about her friendship with Bridgette, or how she used to joke with Gwen about Heather, or whatever she had with Gwen.

…okay, maybe she misses them, but it’s only a little bit.

Whatever. She has new friends now, new friends who have not watched Total Drama Island, who have not seen her cry on television over the loss of a childhood friendship, who did not see the unofficial relationship between herself and Gwen. Friends who don’t know about how she rewatches the scenes they had together and wonders why she got together with Duncan instead.

It’s a surprise to her when one of these friends tells her he has extra concert tickets, and an even bigger surprise when he asks her to go with him. But she agrees, somewhat hesitantly, not knowing exactly what’s going to happen.

Once they arrive, the first place she looks is the stage. The singer (whose name her friend didn’t tell her) is not on stage yet, but she can see the people closest to it, the ones in the front row seats. There’s a little group of four in front, and someone behind bumps into a blonde girl in that group, who turns to see who bumped into her.

Courtney’s heart stops when she recognizes Bridgette.

It’s been seven years, and she can still recognize her. Just from knowing who one is, she can guess who everyone else is as dread pools in her stomach.

A girl with black hair beside Bridgette. Heather.

A shorter guy with brown hair. Cody.

A guy with black hair joking with Cody. Trent.

She’s terrified. Her life since Total Drama has been going fine, even if she has missed them a bit. But seeing them now, with her friend, who she’s assuming has never seen the show? She’s not ready.

The lights dim. There’s screams in the crowd. Trent climbs on stage (what?) from his spot, walking over and taking the microphone from its stand.

She remembers him wanting to create music. She wonders if it’s his concert, if he’s the one performing tonight.

He is not.

He simply says to give a warm welcome to the singer they’ve been waiting for. A vague introduction, but everyone seems to know who he’s talking about.

Everyone except Courtney.

Someone walks onto the stage from behind the dark curtains.

Courtney freezes in her seat.

It’s a girl, shorter than her. Her friend erupts into cheers beside her. She takes in the girl’s appearance.

Teal and black hair, a little longer and slightly fluffier than Courtney remembers.

Lipstick the same shade as her hair, her lips curling into an excited smile.

Dark, shining eyes that send an eager look in Trent’s direction, eyes that Courtney’s seen up close.

Teal nails that Courtney remembers helping pick the colour for.

A small gold ring with a sun on it.

She looks down at her own, very similar to the girl’s ring, a silver one with a moon.

She looks up again as the girl begins talking in that familiar voice.

She knows this singer, much more personally than her friend does.

The singer she came to see is the same person she stargazed with every night in secret, seven years ago.

Gwen.

[noco7]

NO BECAUSE YOU'RE RIGHT: Sierra didn't have character development, like, at all. It kinda made sense: abusers often don't change.

I feel like the whole Cody-Sierra sub-plot could have been an amazing opportunity to show us something really mature about consent, trauma (remember Cody is supposed to be a child-neglect victim which btw explains some behaviours of his) and victim-blaming.

The actual thing wasn't only rushed and as we say in Italy "written with the asshole", it was straight up offensive. As a SA victim myself I felt MOCKED.

It's so sad, I wonder what happened to Cody by the way, like. We saw him naked in the shower on Sierra's phone in All Stars so it means she not only knows where he lives but also stalks him. Such a terrible ending for a character like him. :[

I agree completely, anon. Also I have a habit of making really long posts, so here's a read more link:

I really really agree about it being C*derra being an amazing chance to write about serious issues, and could even act as a guide to recognizing abusive relationships, and how to help someone you know get out of them. Also could say smth about the nature of parasocial relationships. In my fantasy rewrite of TD, C*derra starts as a relationship that goes sour. It begins with Cody in a bad place , for several reasons, and he latches onto his fan, Sierra, for comfort. Things seem to be going smoothly, until he realizes that Sierra is a terrible abusive person. And there's a lot of victim blaming and manipulation, a lot of guilt-tripping, but he learns to raise his standards and escape the relationship. So in essence, the flipside of what happened in canon.

To me, it's really hard to advocate for platonic C*derra. I understand that others love the idea, but it's really hard for me to look past her actions. I'm not a survivor, but imagining a friend of mine going through what Cody went through, and then them calling me and saying "well she made me a birthday cake, so I've forgiven her for everything and we are BEST friends now." I don't know. It seems terrible. I don't think Cody should have to do anything with Sierra other than leave, and honestly for Sierra to grow as a person, I also think she needs to take herself away from Cody until she is ready to act healthy to him. I don't think they should grow together - like, what, is Cody supposed to be like "yeah she grabbed me today, BUT she didn't kiss me! Woo! Baby steps!" ??? There is no reason for Cody to be there for Sierra's character growth - and for me, the real sign of character growth would be Sierra admitting her presence was unhealthy and removing herself. And not in a "let me die," situation, but a "let me go to therapy first," situation. To be fair to TD, it is a kid's show and maybe they couldn't talk about topics like consent and trauma. I know some kid's shows talk about that, like She Ra, but TD was before that, and also it had a completely different focus. Still, given that, perhaps they shouldn't have introduced a stalker to the show in the first place, when they couldn't deal with her properly.

It could be even considered irresponsible, considering it could trigger real Survivors, or give the entirely wrong message. I've actually seen real people say they used to think Sierra did nothing wrong.

At the very least, I don't think they should have rushed the best friends angle as they did. Yes, there were times Sierra was nice to Cody, but they weren't really differentiated from how she normally acted. She always compliments Cody, so for her to praise him with Duncan is nothing out of the ordinary. And neither is the birthday cake. It's like they didn't know Sierra was going to end up being friends with him until that episode. It's weird.

The solution would be to slow down her character development until it's an actual ARC. Or as most people in the fandom do - change her actions so they aren't that extreme in the first place. I'm not really a fan of that last option, because Sierra is kinda defined by how extreme she is, and I personally think an abusive antagonist makes for a better story then a mildly annoying girl, but. I understand why others wouldn't. But that's why I write Sierra like I do.

I'm very sorry you had to go through that, and that you had to watch WT and see it happen. Dealing with a topic respectfully is something you should do, not just because it's better writing, but because it's the moral thing to do when you're writing a CHILDREN'S CARTOON.

As for what happened to Cody after WT, I believe that his friendship with Sierra didn't last long, and she proved herself to still be as possesive as she once was. That's what happens in my fic, and that's whats backed up with the weird shower photo. However, extra clips reveal that after her elimination in All Stars, Sierra lands back into Area 51, with all the Cody aliens. Perhaps she stays there, and Cody is effectively free.

Also, I have to admit that as a Cody stan, that guy's arc with Gwen also had problems. Cody's still not Sierra level creep, but it's hard to argue that he's learned from his own actions in Island, considering how he acts in WT. And personally, and this is my hot take for this post - I'm not even sure his character developed during Island.

[missnight0wl]

Who do you think is the mole?

Merula is the mole

And I’m not saying that because everything bad has to be Merula. It truly makes the most sense, and as soon as I realised it, I was like: “Well, duh! Obviously!”. I’ll try to explain everything the best I can, but first, I want to address some basic things about the mole, proving that Alanza is probably NOT our culprit (as I believe she’s one of the most common suspects in fandom). I already talked about it a little in other posts, but I want to organise everything and maybe add something.

To begin with, there’s a lot of evidence that R is watching MC ever since they came to Hogwarts or at least Y2. There was someone contacting/controlling Ben when the cursed ice appeared. In Y3, we even got a warning Letter From No One:

In Y4, someone was controlling Ben again. In Y5, MC AND Ben were attacked by someone, and it’s still unknown whether or not they were under Imperius too. Someone unleashed a Dementor on Hogwarts, and R knew that MC defeated it as soon as it happened. Someone, who’s description fit a Red Cloak, moved the portrait which trapped Beatrice later.

And of course, each vault every year was allegedly tampered by someone, causing the new curse to occur. In Y5, someone made Rowan draw their wand on us, and while it was implied that it was Pettigrew, it was never confirmed. Either way, R had never problems to take actions at Hogwarts. Moreover, they seem to be well aware of our every move. MC also sometimes talks during classes that they feel like being watched. So, if R was successfully pulling strings all those years, even without Rakepick, why would they bother now to bring Alanza to the castle? Especially that there was a huge gap when Rakepick was already gone, but Alanza was still not there! It could’ve been as long as six months, judging by Ben’s comment before Rowan’s death that they’re well into the sixth year. And quite a lot happened in that time! For example, we found the letter from R to Jacob. There’s no way it was left by accident, and while it’s possible it was placed by Jacob himself, it doesn’t change the fact that R didn’t need Alanza for that. So, again, why would they need her exactly?

Admittedly, the way they talked about it in the recent chapter:

… does make it sound as if the mole is someone SENT by R. However, I believe it’s just unfortunate wording because in that case, it could be only Alanza (and as I said, it just doesn’t really make sense). Like, none of our friends was “planted” by R. Even if they were recruited before coming to Hogwarts, they were simply kids in school-age anyway. It could be about a teacher or something, but they’re all the books canon characters. Unless it’s about the new DADA professor we haven’t even seen yet, but I doubt it.

Now, I think we can all agree that the mole is most likely another student. Sure, an adult would have more influence among the staff, maybe access to more places, but they also wouldn’t get as close to MC, and I assume that’s the point – to know what MC’s doing. Although, when I’m looking at the examples I listed above, I have to say that it’s possible that there is somebody else involved (other than the mole), but still, one of our peers would be the best as the source of information. So, without further ado, let’s explain how Merula fits into that puzzle.

YEAR 1

From the very beginning, Merula talked badly about Jacob because of his obsession with the Cursed Vaults. But then, something’s changed after our first duel, and even MC pointed out how odd it was.

I wouldn’t be surprised if R reached Merula at some point before that conversation and convinced her that the Cursed Vaults are real and very much worth it to search for them. Alternatively, Merula knew about it already when she came to Hogwarts, and then it’s connected to the Devil’s Snare accident. This idea is based on my other theory that Jacob made a deal with R that he’d join them IF they wouldn’t hurt MC. The deal was valid for the first two years; however, if R used Merula to hurt/kill MC, their hands would technically be clean.

YEAR 2

I wrote about it in the past during my replay, but there’s quite a lot of material so I’ll just leave a link here. It’s very important for this theory, though, so please, go and read it to fully understand my thought process.

YEAR 3

This is the year when we found Jacob’s room. And if you claim that Merula can’t lie or hide important information: she can. She didn’t tell us about Jacob’s room for at least a year, and she probably wouldn’t tell at all if we didn’t find our brother’s notebook. Also, there’s a possibility that she took something from there:

Was she lying, though? What could she take? What did she do with it?

Later the same year, Merula was following us to the Library AGAIN (the Vault of Fear), as she was ALSO following us back in Y1. When you think about it, Merula follows MC quite a lot, also in later years… Eavesdropping on MC and Talbott, learning that we’re an Animagus (in the “Animagus Adventure SQ”, so separately from Talbott’s situation), sending Ismelda to eavesdrop on us when MC wanted to leave Hogwarts in Y6, following us when we practised Protego with Jacob… She also knows that she can manipulate MC emotionally. The Frog Choir TLSQ anyone? Even if she wasn’t lying then about her mother, she still had no problems to use her suffering to influence MC and get what she wanted.

YEAR 4

Well, as I mentioned in the post linked in YEAR 2, this is the year when Merula was openly working with Rakepick. If you want to believe that Rakepick is evil and was always a member of R, that’s pretty much it. Perhaps Merula wasn’t aware of that, but still.

Although, what I believe is that Rakepick wasn’t a member of R, but she knew they’re using Merula. Therefore, Patricia “took care” of her for two reasons: 1) so Merula stopped being a pain in the ass for MC, 2) so she could control R’s influence on Merula.

YEAR 5

Here’s where things got a bit complicated because of the events in the Portrait Vault, and a lot depends on what’s really going on with Rakepick. Still, here are some possible explanations:

If Rakepick is evil and Merula was really tortured: Rakepick used Crucio on Merula even though she’s their mole as a punishment for getting too attached to MC. I personally don’t feel close to Merula at all because Jam City fucked up her writing, and so I have no reasons whatsoever to like her. However, they basically skipped to MC and Merula being friends whether you like it or not, so here you are. And Merula was supposed to get close to MC but not like them.

If Rakepick is evil, but the torture was staged: R needed MC to suffer, but they didn’t want to actually hurt their mole.

If Rakepick is not evil: The torture was staged, but Rakepick told R that Merula should be punished for getting attached to MC (so R THOUGHT that Merula was really tortured but she wasn’t) OR they agreed to that, so they’ll make MC suffer without hurting their mole.

YEAR 6

Again, because it depends so much on what’s really happened in the Portrait Vault, it’s even more complicated than Y5, so… I’ll try to explain what I personally believe is going on.

Rakepick staged the torture scene with Merula, and no matter if R thinks it was real or not, she also instructed Merula to keep R believing that she’s their mole. Merula is still delivering R information, but perhaps it’s possibly limited or maybe she even lies about some things to them. I’m not sure what to do with Rowan’s death here (or “death”), but I don’t think Merula was expecting that. I imagine that she thinks that Rakepick screwed everyone over and plays on her own entirely. If that’s the case, she might want to continue to be R’s mole if she believes that it’ll help her expose Rakepick eventually. I mean, if she just told R: “Hey, she doesn’t really work for you”, Rakepick would probably weasel out of it somehow.

Merula being the mole also goes along with Jacob telling us about the assassin being after MC and Merula (Y6Ch6):

He apparently talked about the Wizard in White then, but now we know that he actually isn’t an assassin. So… how did Jacob make that mistake? I mean, if the Wizard in White wanted to take MC to R so they’d join them, they HAD TO have a similar approach towards Jacob. In fact, they wrote to Jacob about joining them after Duncan’s death. Why Jacob thought that they’d try to kill MC now?

Well, it’s simple: it’s not real Jacob and he works for R. Why R wanted MC to think that there’s an assassin after them, though? Well, it’s based on my old theory, but… I don’t buy that the Wizard in White is a member of R. I believe that he was supposed to help MC somehow. R wanted MC to know that there’s an assassin so they’d be distrustful towards new people (including the Wizard in White). What about Merula then? I see two explanations which could coexist: 1) R wanted to scare Merula so she wouldn’t reveal to MC that she’s the mole (when she heard about an assassin being after her, she could’ve connected the dots), 2) Merula is more impulsive than MC, so if she was expecting an assassin, she’d attack him with the intention to hurt or kill, getting rid of the Wizard in White and R’s problem.

(I know that the part about the assassin doesn’t work in the light of the recent chapter, but I’m still trying to figure it out, and I might write a separate post on how the Wizard in White is not a member of R.)

Also, not that it’s super solid evidence, but Merula was the one who suggested that the mole might be among the teachers:

Yeah, there’s some logic in that, but as I said at the beginning, I think we can all agree that it’s way more likely that the mole is a student. I’m not saying that Merula is trying to buy some time before she’s discovered, buuut…

Anyway, I’m almost certain that Merula is the mole. I even hope for that because it could be a very interesting plot: Merula who started from despising MC and wanting to harm them, starting to appreciate the value of friendship and questioning her actions. Of course, it’d be even more interesting if Jam City put any effort in her redemption arc, but oh well. It’s also kind of brilliant that Merula created that rivalry with MC when it comes to the Cursed Vaults, and she did it so well that we don’t even question WHY this rivalry exists. That maybe it’s just an excuse to gain information and pass it on. I mean, look at our conversation in “Flying Solo” TLSQ”:

Merula is so casual about it that MC is not even particularly concerned about her getting information on the Cursed Vaults. You know, they say the darkest place is under the candle...

[gold-and-rubies]

Companion Rant

I love the companions, don’t get me wrong, but so many of them were failed in different ways. This is no me saying they suck, this is me saying that they deserve better. I’m leaving out dlc companions, because I don’t have any comments. I’m also not talking about Cait, Codsworth or Nick, becasue I only have very small complaints. Also not Dogmeat, because ya know, he’s a dog. Sorry if this makes no sense, I need to clear my brain.

Curie: I think it’s a bit weird that they focus so much on her getting flustered by attraction so much. It would have been nice to actually see her get the hang of bodily functions, and get the hang of other emotions, like anger, fear, sadness, joy, etc. Especially since the first emotion she really feels is grief. I also personally feel it’s a bit weird to romance her, since she is so naive.

Danse: His character arc is obviously pretty great, but it feels unfinished. If you don’t know, Blind betrayal originally had a different ending. We know this because someone found audio files for it. I personally think that the change to the ending we know was last minute. It would’ve been nice to see to see them do something more with it. I think it would have been great to see him become kinder to synths (and others in general), and join the Minutemen. I think he would fit in well, even if it takes some time, and I think it would be the best way for him to redeem himself.

Deacon: This is more of an idea than a complaint. First, I think all companions who don’t have a quest should. If he wasn’t lying about the UP Deathclaws, I’m pretty sure that would mean that he’s from University Point. Instead of having a run of the mill clear out quest, I think it would have been nice for him to have a quest related to there, as a way to be at peace. If he was lying in that final talk, I think he should have a quest where someone (sole) finally finds out the truth about who he is.

Hancock: He should be far more involved and far more affected by the whole thing with McDonough. It obviously would not be a mandatory quest for his affinity, but he should have one where he tries to find out how long he had been a synth. I don’t travel with him much, so I don’t have much to say

MacCready: So, this might seem a bit trivial or whatever, but he is my favorite so whatever. I think he has great ideas for his character arc/story, but I think he suffers from poor writing at times. It gets very clunky at times, which gets on my nerves. I also think we should be able to meet Duncan of course.

Preston: He is the reason I decided to make this post. How Bethesda treated him makes me a bit angry. All of his writing Quincy and on is great. He’s an excellent when it comes to mental health. But despite these things, he suffers from some (in my opinion, pretty big) issues. First, making him a radiant quest giver was a huge mistake. I think he should only give the first few before you take back the Castle, then you should rely only on the radio. His backstory prior to Quincy, is very lacking. Like a lot of people, I think taking back Quincy would have been a great personal quest for him.

Piper: I’m not sure if anyone else feels this way, but as much as I adore her, I think she’s a bit lacking. I kinda think she’s supposed to be the main love interest for various reasons, which is why I think it is so easy to get her to full affinity. i think she, like Hancock, should be more involved with the thing with McDonough, as she had originally accused him. Although she is obviously right about him, I think she should face the consequences of falsely accusing Geneva of sleeping with him. i think she should have a quest where you help her discover something huge and write it up for the paper.

Strong: I’ve already written about my own personal headcanons for him, but I think it would have been nice to know who he used to be. Since he dislikes so much stuff, he should have stuff that makes the work worth it. I’m not really sure what that would be.

X6-88: His biggest issue is that he isn’t available until act three, and you have to side with the Institute to keep him. I think you should be able to convince him to go against the Institute if you decide to side with the Minutemen or Railroad. it makes sense to me to not be able to have him if you side with the Brotherhood. 

[carewyncromwell]

Vhat’s this? Some canon content?? GASP. (Don’t worry, the next part of the POTC AU is in the works, I promise, I just have to finish writing out all the text XD;;;)

But uh, yeah! This is Duncan Ashe with my MC Carewyn Cromwell, though Care-Bear really doesn’t look like herself right now. That’s because this is directly post-Redacted.

After what happened in the Portrait Vault, Carewyn made the decision that she would not follow Rakepick’s example anymore by taking the entire burden of the Cursed Vaults completely on her shoulders and -- by extension -- lying to all of her friends that she was no longer interested in the Vaults so as to make sure none of them would try to help or stop her. This way (she thought) she could ensure that none of them would get hurt because of her again, like Merula did.

Unfortunately her friends really didn’t cooperate with this plan. Soon enough they started to get suspicious about how much Carewyn was hiding from them -- Charlie in particular got into a very heated argument with Carewyn after hearing about the “wizard in white” who was supposedly after her and Merula that Carewyn refused to tell them about, which ended up getting worse when Ben tried to “defend” Carewyn by attacking Charlie with Langlock and the two Gryffindors got into a huge physical confrontation that Carewyn had to break up. Ben, of course, refused to let Carewyn do anything on her own and so when he and Merula caught wind she was going to the Forest alone, they collided with her en route and refused to let her go without them. This, of course, led to the “Redacted” event where Rakepick killed Rowan.

As soon as it happened, Carewyn lost her mind. For long, horrible, stretching minutes all she could do was scream and grab onto Rowan, even physically and verbally lashing out at Ben and Merula with pure, undiluted spite and pain if they tried to get close. Then, by the time they reached the castle, Carewyn went completely silent. In the days and weeks that followed, Carewyn became a shadow of her former self.

To quote a previous post:

“This girl who is usually known for being an eternally composed, strong, witty, brave fashionista Mama Bear will, quite simply, disappear. No more stylish hair – no more polished make-up – no more pretty outfits…and worst of all, she will glide the halls like a ghost, unable to eat or say a word to anyone, and disappearing for long periods of time. The silence will be deafening. She cannot comfort others. She cannot reassure, encourage, nurture, or counsel her friends. She cannot sing. She cannot answer any of her friends’ or teachers’ questions or address their concerns. She cannot even cry. Her eyes are broken, empty, and devoid of light or hope.

“This goes on for weeks, with Carewyn disappearing more and more often…until one day, she is gone for a full 24 hours. Her friends panic, thinking that she might have run away or otherwise hurt herself, and tear the whole school apart looking for her. Bill will even put his most recent Cursebreaking assignment on hold to come back to Hogwarts to look for his friend. It’s when he arrives that Bill asks Duncan Ashe to help them look for Carewyn – and it is Duncan that finds Carewyn, huddled up alone in a dark closet inside the Astronomy Tower.

“Duncan tries to shake Carewyn back to her senses, but nothing he says gets through to her. Nothing he says can make her speak to him. Nothing he says can bring any life to her eyes. It’s so bad that Duncan – after what feels like an eternity of scolding, yelling, and appealing to Carewyn – falls apart and bursts into tears.”

This is what’s pictured here -- Duncan finally breaking down.

“What do I have to do, Carewyn!? Do you want me to grovel, is that it?! You want me to beg?! You heartless feck, TALK to me, damn it! Say something! Anything! Insult me, scream at me, curse me to Hell -- tell me to go away, if you want, I don’t care, just ANSWER ME! Just show me that you -- that you’re -- ”

Duncan’s voice seemed to get stuck in his throat. He choked -- he felt the clutching of his chest and noticed the blurring of his vision that came with crying, and yet he never felt the bubbling tears streaming from his eyes down his translucent face. He tried to blink them away, tried to look for any shred of awareness or consciousness in Carewyn’s face -- but she still never raised her head. Her cheeks were sickly, ghostly pale. Her dark, hollowed, bag-trimmed eyes were devoid of light.

Duncan recognized the emotion, or lack thereof -- and it scared him more than anything ever had. 

“Carewyn -- don’t -- don’t you dare! You...can’t...”

His head seemed to shake back and forth of its own accord. He reached out, wanting to comfort -- but he knew it was no use. Even if he could focus enough to not pass right through her, he couldn’t actually hold her hand, even if he wanted to.

Duncan had always wondered if he was really right to think that Jacob didn’t care that he was dead. Part of him always thought that he’d projected that lack of caring on Jacob all those years, simply because he hadn’t ever returned to Hogwarts, or Duncan hadn’t ever heard about how much he grieved...or...perhaps because Duncan himself thought he didn’t deserve being grieved, in the first place...

But this...if Jacob had been like this -- like his sister now -- devoid of light or hope...or even self-preservation...

Jacob’s sister wanted to die. The thing Jacob cherished more than his own life, that he spoke of with pure love in his face, that he always held up as his reason to keep fighting when things were their scariest -- the girl who Duncan himself had grown to care about, after she’d taken so much of her own time to make sure he didn’t feel all alone and to make some of his days just that little bit better...to make him feel, at least once in a while, that someone did mourn the fact he was no longer alive --

She wanted to die.

Duncan felt his heart breaking as he stared at Carewyn, unable to hold back his sobs.

“...Please...please...”

To continue the quoted summary,

“It’s only then that Carewyn finally opens her mouth and speaks. She puts her hand down inside Duncan’s own translucent hand as if trying to hold it and asks if he can feel anything. Duncan cries even harder, yelling furiously – even after everything that had happened and everything he’d said, all Carewyn can do was worry about everyone else! And it’s then that the truth finally comes out – Carewyn doesn’t see herself as someone worthy of love and caring. She’s vanished because she doesn’t see her life as something worth protecting, or her pain worth healing. She doesn’t deserve her friends’ or the staff’s concern. She doesn’t deserve their comfort or sympathy. She ‘deserves’ to be alone, and in pain, and hated, for what happened to Rowan. She ‘knows’ it would be better for everyone if she simply…vanished.

“Eventually, however, Duncan smashes through Carewyn’s self-loathing and suicidal thoughts. Maybe she doesn’t think she deserves to be loved…but she is loved all the same…by choices made by the people around her. They are the ones who can determine how they see Carewyn – not her. They’re the ones who are owed a choice in whether or not they accept Carewyn for everything she is.

“At last, Carewyn comes down from the Astronomy Tower. She collides with Bill, Charlie, Ben and Merula at the bottom of the stairs. The three Gryffindor boys all dash forward, throwing their arms around Carewyn and latching onto her like they’re never going to let her go again. There is an intense exchange – but when Carewyn finally breaks down into tears and admits that she needs help, her friends decide to stand by her, even despite the many mistakes she’s made. And from there…very slowly…the healing begins.”

[maadorii]

JAS’S APPRECIATION .｡.:*♡

is it just me, or did this year really just flash by like nothing? haha but i think we can all agree that 2020 was... an interesting year. a lot of shit has happened this year, and i mean a lot. both personally and just from an overall standpoint. but i don’t want to focus on the negatives right now. 

since i opened this blog, a lot of positive things have come my way. i never felt more confident in my writing and more welcomed in a community before until this blog came into existence. so i’d like to write some thank you notes to everyone who has impacted me this year! warning: it’s kinda long i guess lol

for my followers: how are you my lovelies? 🥺✨ i want to sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart for following me and for giving my works a chance! im grateful to you all for giving my blog a chance and i promise to bring more works in 2021! a special thank you to those who come into my inbox, i love interacting with every single one of you and please continue to do so! i promise i don’t bite :) and a reminder, that if you’re ever in need of something or just someone to talk to, my dm’s and inbox are always open for to hop in. okay? i know, i don’t know the lot of you, but i still care for you and your well being. happy new year to you all!

to my moots, i just to say that i fucking love each and every single one of you 😡🤚🏻 call me crazy or something by i’ll legit jump in front of gun for you. and to me, that says a lot. and there some moots i have that i haven’t spoken to yet (im sowwy...) but seeing your reblogs, works, hell even shit post on my dash really do making my day better. i get super happy when one of you guys appear in my inbox. and the fact you all are super fucking talented and beautiful, it isn’t fair!! to my moots i haven’t spoken to yet or not much, my new years resolution is to show up in your inbox and say hi! i’m shy and my anxiety honestly takes over when i try to, so i’ll try my best !! @cherryonigiri + @introloves + @oikadiors + @obithoes + @skateme2yokohama

[@0ik6lut] sal!! potentially the loml! legit my first ever moot on here. i remember how i showed in your inbox on anon asking what a smau was 🗿 i lowkey felt really dumb but you reassured me and answered me honesty and i think that’s where i got hooked LMFAO it’s always a blast interacting with you cause you’re so funny! and from the bottom of my heart, thank you! not only have you brighten my days, you’ve also sent me sweet messages during my darkest times and for cheering me up. i’m eternally greateful for you and i love you 🧡

[@omijime] NINI! 🧡✨the other loml uwu. do you know how much i love you? your so crazy and i love you for that cause talking to you is such a fun time cause sometimes i don’t know where it’ll go. how we jump from one thing to another is insane but i wouldn’t have it any other way! i’d also like to thank you for being another person i can consolidate to when i’m down. oh btw, when are we gonna have this joint wedding 🙄 ? atsumu is getting antsy over here LMFAO

[@iwas-angel] pat!! i know you’ve been taking the rest you so deserve, but whenever you do come back i just want to let you know that i miss you! and that your literally a ray of sunshine ✨ love you pat 🥰

[@kemochie] nea!! i still can not get over your waluigi theme, shit was amazing. i was tempted to send a video of waluigi saying wah! for an hour... i still am. IWJSNWSN ANYWAY— i cant wait to interact with you more cause you’re so funny and chill. i still laugh at the bob duncan ask KASksk my sense of humor is so broken at this point, it’s depressing 🧍🏼‍♀️ but love you and your crazy shenanigans 🙄🤚🏻🧡

[@chqrryvelvet] kae! kae! kae! i remember one of our first interactions was saying i was a popular blog REEEE i only had maybe 25?? or 30?? so i definitely didn’t consider myself one haha but talking to you is always... an adventure to say the least! remember that one time we went back and forth about whether or not i gave you a hug or not? still leaves me in tears (especially cause i wrote you a whole paragraph 😡🗿) but i love you 🥰🧡 so where my hug at?

[@miyagoldenhour] my maya! another moot i haven’t spoken much too but i so deeply appreciate! you complemented my theme and my heart was sold 😂 even though i think your blog is way prettier than mine i can’t wait to see more from you and talk to you more!!

[@rilacry] lola! my fellow hinata lover 🤩 can i just say, that i was super excited to see another person who loves hinata as much as i do? and the fact that your insanely talented too ?? shiiii, i must’ve hit the jackpot here 😎🤏🏼 but in all seriousness, you’re super duper cool + amazing, i want us to be able to talk to each other more soon! in fact, tomorrow, i’ll send you ask :) if i forget you can come kick my butt, sound cool?

and as my final present to you, my moots, this year i dedicate this painting to each and every single one of you! you all are the stars in my night sky, i hope you’ll shine brighter this 2021. happy new year!

[i hope you guys like it! i wish i could’ve actually drawn you guys as people but i didnt want to invade 🥺👉🏻👈🏻!]

copyright © 2020 ojomaster. all rights reserved. 

[sewerpigeonart]

literally no one asked but that’s never stopped me before; my inhibitions are low bc i’ve been awake since 4am and idk if any of this is even going to make sense when anyone reads it but i want to talk about my 𝑓 𝑒𝑒 𝑙 𝑖 𝑛 𝑔 𝑠

having to choose between hawke and alistair in the fade is literally like the most stressful video game decision i have had to make—and actually, considering i’ve done alternate playthroughs where i choose each of them, i still technically haven’t “chosen” because it’s. so. hard.

if Loghain or Stroud are the warden, they’re obviously the expendable option because loghain has no rights and stroud simply isn’t a character the player was given the opportunity to emotionally invest in.  unless you make a specific party decision in da2, you never even meet him. but when it’s between alistair and hawke, now the emotional stakes are astronomical, because not only is it hard for me to pick on an emotional level, even when thinking in terms of narrative for each of these characters it’s hard to decide which is the better option.

we’re invested in both these characters; we traveled with alistair through origins and either romanced him or became his best friend through our wardens, our wardens with whom i think most players have also developed an emotional attachment to because they’re our own characters.  and hawke was our character in da2, and you could sort of “mold” him into one of three general personalities, he’s still a pretty strong character on his own, regardless of if he’s snarky or angry or benevolent.  and sort of opposite the case with alistair, we know that hawke’s friends are attached to him.

so now it’s down to the wire and you gotta pick one. there’s no other way out. it sucks. and i think on one hand i can actually appreciate that because it means the games did a good job of making me care about not only both of these characters themselves, but their impact on the characters around him.  when i think of sacrificing hawke, my mind at once goes to varric, the living hawke sibling, and the love interest.  with alistair, my mind goes to my warden, who in terms of the game itself isn’t a strongly defined character because like most custom protagonists a lot of the emotional investment comes from our own imaginations and projections. but in that regard it’s like the relationship to alistair is more personal to the player themselves, in my opinion.  when choosing who to sacrifice, i think about who is going to hurt.  i literally burst into tears when i played the hawke route and varric comes up to you in adamant and says, “where’s hawke?” like i fuckin lost it man lmao, and when you talk to him later and he tells you the story and they play hawke’s theme sadly in the background?????? im like im going to pass away now but ANYWAY

so not only do i think about the emotional consequences on hawke and alistair’s companions (and myself), i struggle to choose which option is better narratively. because i feel that both of them have a very strong reason to stay behind. for hawke it’s obvious: with corypheus, it’s personal—way more personal than it even is with the inquisitor who is meant to defeat him. it’s literally in hawke’s bloodline. not only did his father cage the magister, but hawke is assuming the responsibility of “releasing” corypheus upon the world. of course he would give up everything remain in the fade and deal this huge blow to corypheus. it’s more than playing hero, it’s about vengeance for him, and you could even say it’s about protecting his family, if his sibling is a warden and if you romanced anders, protecting him too.

alternatively with alistair: all through origins alistair is characterized as believing himself expendable. “i wish i had died instead of duncan, i’ll kill the archdemon so you don’t have to,” etc. and yes he is young and insecure in origins, and it’s clear when we see him again in inquisition or even the cameo in da2, we can see him more confident, more assured, capable of making his own decisions. but—and i acknowledge this is largely headcanon, but this whole post is explaining why it’s hard for me to choose—i think especially with the romanced hero of fereldan still alive, in that pivotal moment in the fade i would assume alistair would be thinking of her, sorry to leave her and knowing she’ll be hurt but confident she could be the capable hands the wardens would need to recover, even if she is sort of in the shadows by that time, i project that the HoF would assume a sense of duty in helping them recover, even from the background somehow if she insists on kind of staying in “hiding.”

i think characterwise, alistair is always going to have some degree of innate self-sacrifice, that when it comes down to it, he’ll be the one to take the blow. so it would make sense that in the fade, he’d say “no, hawke, you go,” maybe no longer from a place of lower self-esteem like in origins, but i think in his mind, especially since he’s literally been a fugitive from the wardens, he makes the decision in a fairly rational state of mind. he acknowledges the wardens have messed up, and maybe this sacrifice can even be the start to redeeming their honor because he cares such a great deal about them. even hawke changes his tone in the final moments, saying yeah the wardens fucked up but they’re not beyond saving. so even then i think alistair would take comfort in knowing whether it be hawke or the HoF or the Inquisitor or whoever, the wardens will be left in good hands.

i know a lot of the alistair stuff is more headcanon than anything, but going off my own world history with the games and my own role play ideas and stuff, these are the associations in my head and how i interpret the cost of his sacrifice alongside hawke’s.  and i’ve even tried jotting some fic ideas exploring so many different post-fade concepts depending on which was left behind to see if i could construct some mental narrative to help me “commit” to sacrificing one of them, and in honesty, i think in the end i would go with hawke, because even though it’s more of an immediately impactful death (VARRIC IM SO FUCKGIN SORRY), it is personal, and i think that motivation is beyond alistair’s more “honorable” motivation. i think alistair could be convinced to help the wardens before hawke could be convinced to step back and let someone else take care of corypheus “for him,” for lack of a better term.

HOWEVER. it may be wishful thinking in order to cope, but i would be willing to bet that in da4, we find out whoever was left in the fade is not dead after all, because if it is hawke you leave behind, or even with alistair, these are both two protagonists that would have rather unceremonious deaths. narratively, that’s kind of lame writing if we were to forgo the closure of their actual deaths. even in the choice tree it says the person will “most likely” die; in the cut scene as the inquisitor and the non-sacrificed character run toward the rift, you see in the background the other character fight the monster and hit the ground under an attack, but we don’t see an explicit “death.”  they are then, understandably, assumed dead.  but there’s no actual confirmation. and i don’t know the writing team personally, who am i to say they’re indisputably above this, but i would like to have enough faith in them to expect they would not commit to such an unsatisfying ending for that character’s story. even with a more “expendable” character like stroud, i think there’s too many questions left behind. 

the introduction of walking physically in the fade and surviving is a huge revelation in-game. it’s reiterated that that literally hasn’t happened since the first magisters entered the black city.  that’s ENORMOUS. and if they’re only going to explore that twice—or more like one and a half times because we get the vague opening cut scene of escaping the fade, then the adamant sequence—it again feels very inconsistent and sloppy. dorian even says that essentially once people realize it is possible to survive the fade physically, they are going to try it, however unwise and irresponsible.  i think the da4 teasers alone (i haven’t followed da4 updates very closely tbh bc i haven’t been able to play trespasser yet bc i only have a ps3 and i’m trying so hard not to get too spoiled beyond the main inquisition ending asjkfd) imply our experiences with the “real” fade are so far from over.  and thus, i feel “comfortable” leaving hawke in the fade because i would like to believe he’s going to come back. i mean, he’s hawke right? and if hawke’s character can come back, that would then further suggest if you left the warden in the fade, they would have to come back too for whatever the da4 narrative might be.

ok sorry this is rly long and disorganized im bad at communicating ideas effectively but i have been thinking about this lately way more than i care to admit lmao

[alittlefrenchtree]

Hiii, it's me again! I actually want to quickly move forward in my reading and not fall behind with notes. Because it makes less sense to write them if I already know what's going on 7 chapters ahead. So let's get started.

SPOILERS DUNE BOOK II : MUAD'DIB (Chapters 5-9)

Chapter 5:

*happy sigh 😌😌😌*

(learn silence, people. It's important.)

You already know how much I love this litany and if there's more in it, I'd be delighted.

Ok, I actually have a nerdy not really funny story about moving dunes. When the worm pops a bit later, Paul describes it at mound-in-motion and there's actually some truth about that. I've recently read an article (and I want to read more about it) about dunes and some scientist thinking that dunes are moving and communicating with each other (in their own mineral, sandy way of course). It sounds fascinating so I let you know if I learn more stuff more or less related to Dune.

This both hurt and feels relatable somehow, even if I don't know how exactly. I like the idea of things approaching from a different angle, of Paul being the only motionless point in a world that keeps spinning around him. The key then wouldn't be to change the world or even to do anything but only to adjust his own position in the universe so he ends up what he meant to be. And the sentence is pretty. The vision appeared to have shifted and approached him from a different angle while he remained motionless.

I still wonder how it works though. The visions and their changes. Do they significantly shift every time he comes close to death? Or say the litany of fear and survive? Or is it more realistic, the smallest details and decisions becoming the biggest changes? I wish Duncan would have been there with them and yet I like this journey through sand and survival just between Paul and Jessica. He probably would have been killed soon after anyway. Unless he's not really dead. Ok, moving on.

Remember when I said that Paul could have/find a way to control sand worms? And now he's saying this:

There are a lot of cues in these few chapters about worms, about riding (or whatever it's called) them with the hooks, about how they're in all likelihood the ones creating the Spice? That's why they're called makers? And that's what the Fremen who died with Hawat was about to called them? I kind of hope there is more to it though, other than only being respected because they're making the spice. There is another quote at the end of the chapter that intrigued me about the relation between Paul and the worms:

He looked at his hand. How inadequate it appeared when measured against such creatures as that worm.

I really like this chapter a lot. Firstly because I love scenes with only two characters so this is delicious for me. Secondly, I love reading about walks through endless lands with nothing but nature, so double yummy. Thirdly, there is a lot of informations. About the worms, and about how Paul is evolving in the desert. There is the rescue of his Mom but, even more importantly, how he rescues the pack. I think it's a very important scene both literally and metaphorically. It doesn't seem like an important scene but it really is in the building of the Paul's character. I hope to see it address in some way in the movie. Because not only he uses the Spice for another purpose than money and getting stronger or smarter or higher, but he uses it to take back what's necessary for his survival in the desert. If that's not adapting to Dune, I don't know what it is.

Chapter 6:

This is going to cause some trouble at some point, isn't it? Halleck and his people teaming up with smugglers, thinking the Atreides are dead. He's going to end up fighting against them without knowing it, right? 😔

Chapter 7:

Moooom, I love him so much 😭😭😭

But, I hate not knowing what's going on exactly and I hate it even more when it's about Paul and Paul's power so we're all going to sit here together, read this again and again util we've rambled enough to come up with AT LEAST five theories about something.

Like why. Why does he cross a time barrier at this precise moment? How does it work? He came close to death again so has he defeated another timeline where he was supposed to die? Hence the unknown territory, the darkness? Or are there defined blindspots? Around the worms maybe? Because of their spice maker job? Or is he just exploring and developing his new abilities? Learning to not rely only on his inner eye but on all of his powers and abilities? I need answers. I need to finish reading this book (books) and reading the theories of someone who's been thinking about every detail of them for the past 50 years.

I really liked this couple of chapters about Paul and Jessica's journey through the desert. You can really see Paul coming to terms with it. Fighting it, using it, accepting it, welcoming it. Seeing its beauty and his future in it. I'm looking forward this symbiosis. It looks beautiful.

Chapitre 8:

Ok, that was painful. Firstly, because I wasn't expecting to see Kynes die at this moment and secondly, because it was a very slow agony to witness. To be honest, I'm getting a bit tired to see characters die? It denies so much of the potential for characters development and for relationships development. The lack of it is going to become a bit sad for the whole story.

And it's heartbreaking to understand that Liet gave up his only chance of survival to save Paul and Jessica. I don't know how much he knew before, if he already knew he was going to die or if he thought he had a real chance but it's going to give so much power to Paul with the Fremen? If it becomes known that Liet died to save him and his mother, believing in them.

I supposed there is some kind of parallel to see here, between the previous chapter and this one, with Paul practically arising from the desert and Liet dying in it at the same time/shortly after? Like how Paul is supposed to take Liet's position of influence with the Fremen?

The chapter is also heavy on... social/political/ecological talks. Or one-sided conversation since the other side is dying. Not saying they shouldn't be there since they are the actual themes of the book but maybe it could have been made in a more natural way? Or not all at once?

But it made me think of Caladan. Which I could have done earlier, I agree. But Caladan is the planet of water, right? Water. The very thing Arrakis is lacking of and wants/needs. I would have like to see a bit more of Caladan, actually. How it was. How Paul was on it, actually. If he was as adapted as Caladan's environment than he seems to be to Arrakis'.

Chapter 9:

There it is. Paul as an outcast Duke finally facing Fremen forces for the first time.

This is a good chapter but I think the key point here is this:

I scrolled past a post the other day (without reading it entirely because of fear of spoilers), that was saying how people thinking Dune was about religion hadn't understand it because it was a story about propaganda. But, at the risk of sounding blasphemous and as a non-religious person... Isn't it kind of the same? Religion, propaganda, fandom,... At some point, there was someone with high powers of influence who comes to make people believe in something (whatever it's true, partially true, partially false or entirely false) to make them adopt a specific behavior, most likely a form of submissiveness? (@ tumblr porn bots, i'm not talking about you). What people make of that belief, it's what really matters.

What interested me more here is to consider this in relation to the opening chapter quote.

It's the eternal question with prophecies. Would a prophecy become true even if nobody knew about it or believe in it? Or do people, by acting according to it because they heard and believed it, make it real and effective? Did the Missionaria Protectiva create its own Kwisatz Haderach or would Paul would have been born with the same abilities and the destiny if they hadn't existed?

We see the future isn't set in stone in Paul's visions, but does his actions and decisions influence the shape of the future or is he just bumped from one predefined timeline to another? And are there really that much differences between the two? How many metaphysical questions can you write in one post?

Quick word about Chani before wrapping this one up. I think I'm going to like her? She seems cool at least. I'm not sure about Paul's reaction to her though. Yes, he supposed to be 15 but he's also something like half of a divinity so. *snorts*. Or maybe I'm just every day more tired of seeing romance being put everywhere and romanticized to the point of 99% people still thinking it's the ultimate form of love and relationship and the ultimate thing to achieve in life. OR maybe it's because everybody engaged in a classic couple-relationship immediately lost 12 points of esteem in my eyes. Don't know. Will see. I imagine I have to brace myself for Paul x Chani babies at some point, since it's 1964? If they survive that long. Very not looking forward to it. The babies, not the survival.

Anyway gotta go before I start wishing bad things to hypothetical fictional babies. Tschüss! 🌔💛

[beautiesandheadcanons]

For this week’s gaming corner, I kinda wanted to put on my tinfoil hat and talk about a potential conspiracy that a writing friend and I stumbled over the other day when talking about Sten and his reasons for being in Ferelden during the Fifth Blight. (Warning: spoilers for Dragon Age: Origins and Inquisition ahead).

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The reason that Sten gives The Warden is that the Qun wanted information on the Blight, but … how much sense does this really make? For one, Sten is very much Qun-loyal, so how much information would he really be willing to share with The Warden? And he tells them this before his loyalty mission and before The Warden gains any kind of rapport with him, so the fact that he would just be upfront and honest about what concerns the Qunari have seems a little … off. I think perhaps he just used the Blight as an easy excuse and since everything was a bit chaotic, the excuse was accepted and his reasons for being there written off because hey, he was helping, and The Warden needed every ally they could get.

.

But the even bigger question is the timing. For one, how would the Qunari even know that the Blight was happening? Keep in mind, the only person in Origins who even thought it was an actual Blight and not just an incursion of Darkspawn was Duncan, the Grey Warden. King Cailan *hoped* it was a Blight, but wasn’t convinced, Loghain and Arl Howe didn’t believe it, and Arl Cousland seemed indifferent and unknowing either way. Even after the Battle, Loghain and Howe still didn’t believe it a true Blight. So while there’s no doubt the Qunari likely had spies in Ferelden, what exactly could they have even sent back? Darkspawn incursions aren’t exactly rare or out of the question, and it seems highly illogical to send a whole unit to investigate the mere possibility of a Blight, so that begs the question … what would have made the Qunari send Sten and his Beresaad? If they weren’t sent because of a Blight, then why?

.

Before I go on to speculate, I want to also address a logistics issue, and that is the fact that it is impossible for Sten and his Beresaad to have arrived in the area surrounding Lothering just before The Warden arrives there post-Ostagar. Backing up just a tad, during the prologue of Dragon Age 2, it’s mentioned that Hawke and family took a ship from Gwaren to Kirkwall and that the journey took two weeks. As you can see from the included maps, while there is a fairly significant distance between Gwaren and Kirkwall, it seems dwarfed when compared between Gwaren and Par Vollen, the Qunari homeland. So even *if* the Qunari became concerned about a large Darkspawn incursion – the likes of which were only witnessed at Ostagar – it’s simply impossible for a message to be sent from Ferelden to Par Vollen, a team to be put together and equipped, and then sent to Ferelden in order to make it to the area around Lothering before The Warden makes it from Flemeth’s hut to the same village.

.

Of course, Sten’s explanation for what happened to him doesn’t even hold up very well. He told The Warden that he and his company were attacked by a group of Darkspawn and that he was knocked unconscious and later woke up to find his sword missing and subsequently attacked a nearby farmer and his family in a rage, which is what led to him being locked in a cage outside Lothering. Except … that makes no sense. The Darkspawn just so happen to slay the entirety of his company and just … knock him out? And leave him? Its well established in canon that if Darkspawn don’t kill someone, they take them for eating and/or breeding. And if they don’t take the bodies, they typically defile them, similarly to how they strung up King Cailan’s body at Ostagar. So the fact that they would have left one unconscious Qunari behind just seems insurmountably illogical. Darkspawn are not overly intelligent, which is why they require the guidance of an Archdemon in order to properly rally to even attempt to take over Thedas. They operate more or less on certain instincts, and instinct should have dictated that if they couldn’t take Sten’s body for some reason, they would have defiled his body and left it behind as a sign and a warning. That’s not even taking into account that somebody apparently just happened to go through this area right after this huge Darkspawn attack (Beresaad are not easy opponents) and somehow found Sten’s sword … AND the fact that the last place Sten remembers even having his sword is the docks around Lake Calenhad, an area that Darkspawn were not plenteous in (IF such a sufficient force was even able to make it that far to engage a Beresaad with, which *doubt*).

.

Which brings me to the original point of this post: Sten wasn’t in Ferelden for the Blight. He was there as a preamble to a Qunari invasion.

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Qunari invasions aren’t unheard of, they had attempted an incursion several hundred years before (and in some spots, still had a lingering influence as of the events of the current games). And, of course, players get to see another attempt to overthrow leaders in an attempt to create chaos that would preempt their action to take over in the Inquisition DLC Trespasser. But what if that wasn’t their first attempt? What if they had attempted before?

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Sten is particularly interesting, having been noted by an Antivan Crow to be curious, a trait that is extremely rare for a Qunari. He questioned people coming and going at the docks on Seheron for three years in order to learn the common tongue. Later on, during a large Qunari assault in Tevinter, he was present and noted to not only know the common tongue but also Tevene, again another rare trait for a Qunari (and would be even rarer outside the Ben-Hassrath, the organisation of Qunari spies). It should be noted that after the failure of this particular assault, Sten was later overheard *arguing* - ARGUING - with the Arishok, something that shook the Tevinter spy to the core because Qunari just simply did not argue. Sten’s reason for arguing against someone as important and high-ranking as the Arishok himself, the leader of the Qunari military? Because after the failure of the recent Qunari incursion he’d been a part of, he was convinced that it would be impossible to take over southern Thedas by force, that they needed a more subtle touch … one similar to what we get to see in Trespasser.  It’s said, of course, that his reasoning and ideas are why the Arishok sends him and his team to Ferelden to investigate the Blight, but … what if he sends them for another reason? What if he understood and came to agree with Sten and later appointed him to take charge of a small force to infiltrate southern Thedas and take advantage of the recent Darkspawn incursions to ensure the death of King Cailan and anyone else of importance to throw the relatively young nation into chaos. Their company couldn’t have been attacked by Darkspawn … perhaps instead they were somehow intercepted by a company of the king’s men, and while they were successful in wiping out the rest of the Beresaad, they themselves fell to Sten who was left standing. And after he took care of the rest of the bodies, he was discovered by an innocent farmer and his family, who Sten *had* to kill in order to cover up what he’d done … and afterwards, realising that he was stuck in a strange land all alone with no back up and no way to complete his mission, turned himself in for the murder of the farmer and his family and waited for the end … (which, depending on the actions of The Warden, may not have come at all).

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Again, we can clearly see how the Qunari have started to plan their invasion by the time the Trespasser DLC occurs (2 years after the events of Inquisition, 12 years after Origins, 8 years after Sten becomes the new Arishok). Instead of brute force, they’re resorting to utilising their spy networks and operating far more quietly and in the shadows than they have in the past. Of course, they’re still caught by the Inquisitor and brought to task, but it’s a far different approach than what they’ve done previously. And while the Qunari disavow any knowledge of the Viddasala and her actions, that seems particularly out of character for the Qunari who typically move as one, as a single unit in thought and purpose, for whom rebellion is out of the question. It seems almost strange that a high-ranking Ben-Hassrath would just turn on the wishes of the rest of the Qunari, and particularly strange that it happens while our former companion, Sten, is the Arishok … the one in charge of their military … the same person who insisted that southern Thedas could not be conquered by force and instead needed far more subtly to accomplish …

.

It just seems too convenient, doesn’t it? I can’t be the only one to see all the holes, all the neat little coincidences. Granted, this very well could just be explained away by the fact that Origins was Bioware’s first game in the Dragon Age series and they hadn’t really worked out all the kinks of their lore (they’ve backtracked and retconned before, so the behaviour of Darkspawn and the distance between Ferelden and Par Vollen could have very well just not been properly established yet). But I prefer to look at these plot holes and instead see an over-arching Qunari conspiracy to take over southern Thedas, whose attempts were simply thwarted by a Blight and by an Inquisitor respectively. Partly because it feels better than “oh, it’s just plot holes” and partly because this would really help set up and implement the Qunari as the next opponent in DA5 (Yes, 5. Not 4. Lemme at the Egg first in 4, then we can deal with the Qunari later). And since Bioware does tend to hint at big bads in previous games (Corypheus appeared in a DLC in DA2 and became your main opponent in Inquisition, Solas appeared at the end of Inquisition and is highly hinted to be who we’ll be fighting against in 4 …) this would fit their MO quite well at weaving in future storylines in previous games.

[fluxedbuds]

Oh now this is a fun one

The simplest and most likely canon answer is that Nano’s strain of flux just wasnt strong enough to take root in Lalna fully. If we choose to believe that Lalna’s flux did just go away when Nano was gone, it tracks that it’s weak to the point that it needs to be near her to even exist. Probably why Mother wasn’t happy just to let her run free and wanted to just make her a gateway or something. Its not super interesting unfortunately, but it’s highly likely that this is the canon kim and duncan intended- easy answers, easy way out.

HOWEVER, now that I’ve done my due diligence of sorting out what the intended canon is, I can rewrite it to be more fun for me personally!

Funnily enough, my idea is pretty similar to  saphushia‘s, and I think I left a tag wall on their post about it lmao, although it oddly enough wasn’t inspired by it at all! It actually came from some stuff I was doing with friends, where I had a Lalna I could play around with freely without worrying about canon.

Long story short, it absolutely had an effect on him, but it was tailored to him. Nano’s symptoms were strikingly obvious- trances, hallucinations of voices and images, so on and so forth. And Mother could get away with being so obvious because Nano never really outright rejects her (well, until the end of FB4..) She doesn’t have to hide most of her intentions, she can give instructions and advice directly, it’s a pretty sweet gig overall. But Lalna… Lalna has decided he does not like Mother. And once a Lalna decides they don’t like something, they never, ever budge.

So, whats a poor eldritch parasite to do? There’s no talking to him, the second he hears anything he’ll flip his shit. And seeing himself fluxed even slightly makes him panic and double down on looking for a cure. It’s not an ideal situation, not at all. But Mother’s clever, and Lalnas are forgetful…

Just put it all in his blood!

Okay, that’s an oversimplification, but it gets the general idea across. Knowing that any obvious signs are gonna make him fight back twice as hard, Mother opts to fly under the radar. He’ll notice flux on his face, but he can’t exactly see it growing on his organs. He’ll scream and rage against any voice in his head, so lets just nudge his thoughts in the right direction instead of directly speaking. Oh, he’s starting to get some dangerous ideas about curing the flux? Just distract him long enough that he forgets to write it down! He’s already easy to distract, so all it takes is just bumping one of his thoughts a liiiitlle higher in priority and all his chances of getting anything done are gone. Fun symbolism here how the flux grows over his eyes long before Nano’s did!

It also conveniently explains why he never got around to making a cure. Besides duncan just being distractable in real life, Lalna is very, very good at inventing things when hes got his mind set to it, and curing the flux is both an engaging challenge and something very important to him. It’s almost unthinkable how little progress he makes! But with some eldritch intervention, it makes a lot more sense.

Going back to Wizard School, when his flux supposedly ‘vanished’ once Nano was gone… It didn’t go anywhere. He just wasn’t allowed to see it! We know from Nano that Mother is fully capable of manipulating what someone sees, so, without Nano there to remind him that he’s fluxed, it doesn’t take much to twist his fear into denial and hide the flux from him entirely. And thats part of why he’s just so calm and soft during that whole series- even from his edited perspective, there’s some of that flux trance showing through. Gaining warp, letting so much flux escape into the atmosphere… It’s not just laziness or incompetence, it’s all intentional. Its just not his intentions. Once Nano comes back, Mother can’t get away with it, because Nano would notice instantly, but the damage is already done. Lalna even seems sort of aware how badly his tower is messed up, manifesting in the urge to protect Nano from what he did.

So, to summarize, while it’s almost certainly not canon, I think the most interesting interpretation of Lalna’s lack of visual flux involves Nano’s flux mostly being external, and Lalna’s flux mostly being internal. Both because of their respective acceptance and rejection of the flux, and because of how Nano is both vocally and internally more honest with her feelings and problems than Lalna, who intends to repress every emotion he can’t immediately solve until the day he dies.

TL;DR: Mother Knows Worst!

[intrepidmare]

Hi, dearies!

Since the authors' big reveal of the works written for @jaime-brienne-fic-exchange was this past weekend, now I can do a little self-promotion. Don't worry, in a few days I'll post my recommendations of the extraordinary fics that the talented authors in this fandom gifted to us all.

Anyway, as I was saying, this is the fic I wrote based on the prompts given by @ddagent! When the prompts were given, I was super excited and nervous. Writing for someone else always is a bit frightening but more when you love the work of that person. My inner critic was relentless, making me doubt if my story would be satisfy my prompter. Apparently, it did!! Which it makes me very, very happy 😊

So, for if you haven't read it yet, here it is. Enjoy!

Teen | completed | 9.7k words | fluff, arranged marriage au, modern setting

MADE FOR YOU

BLUE EYES

Jaime expels a sigh loaded with bitter disappointment as he digs into his pocket for his phone, wanting to check the time. An expletive escapes through his lips. To his vexation, he remained longer than he should have at the Dragonpit Museum of Ancient History. His father will kill him for being late to the wretched dinner tonight where Jaime is meeting for the first time his future wife.

His protest to Tywin for having a marriage arranged in his name was wasted breath. "Seven hells, we're not in the age of Dragons anymore, dad! I can find my own wife," Jaime had said. 

Not that he is eager to get one in truth. After discovering that his last girlfriend cheated on him with at least three different guys, Jaime decided to take himself out of the relationship market for the time being. Tywin cares nothing about that. His father squashed his argument, reminding him of the duty Jaime has to the family: to take control of Lannister Finance Strategy Group one day, have an advantageous marriage, and father children to continue their legacy. 

So here he is, stomping out of the museum without having glimpsed what he came to see. It wasn't an item, but a person. 

Some time ago, Jaime visited the museum when they were having an exhibition of the weaponry from the War of the Five Kings ages. He expected to see ancient armors and swords encased in glass. To his surprise, a museum's curator demonstrated her mastery with a sword: the Oathkeeper. The Valyrian steel, beautiful and rare, was enough to catch his initial attention, yet the skill with which the woman wielded the blade possessed a greater pull. In short, it was astonishing. For a moment, he believed her to be the embodiment of The Warrior. He studied her every move. Despite her great height, being as tall as him, she was graceful and powerful, like a dancer. She could've been a knight of old brought to the present.

Her homely face could have made her forgettable if it wasn't for her expressive, deep blue eyes. They were like sparkling gems, telegraphing how much she was enjoying having the sword in her hands. He had never seen eyes like hers, nor the genuine passion they held. Most of all, he could see innocence in those ponds of sapphire blue.

That's something unusual to find these days. Something Jaime secretly values.

He's unable to say what exactly captivated him that day the most, luring him back to the place again and again. It might have not been Oathkeeper because when the exhibit ended and the sword was put away, he came back nonetheless. Without meaning to—or perhaps he did—Jaime learned that the woman has little performances once or twice a week, either showing an ancient weapon or telling old war stories, the kind of tales that you seldom find in a history book.

He feels like a craven. Jaime hasn't mustered the courage to approach the woman, much less to ask her name. He calls her Blue Eyes in his head. He stands in the back of the gallery and watches whatever item she's showing or listens attentively to the stories of Ser Duncan The Tall or The Long Night. Oddly enough, watching her from afar brings a sense of peace that he never knew before.

That's why he had gone to the museum this evening, seeking the serenity that he needs to face the dinner. It's his luck that Blue Eyes skipped work today.

An hour later, he reaches the penthouse of Maegor's Holdfast, a residential complex within a small and overly exclusive district in the city: the Red Keep. Only the rich and famous can afford to live in such a luxurious place. So, of course, Tywin as the wealthiest man in Westeros must have the best. 

As Jaime walks in on the terrace where Tywin is entertaining his guests, his father's unmerciful gaze shoots across in his direction with the heat of Dragonfire.  If looks could kill, he'd be a pile of ashes by now.

Yes, you're disappointed in me because I'm late, old man , I know.

"Good evening," he says instead of his thoughts. "My sincere apologies for my lateness."

"Ah, here he is," Tywin announces with a tone that means to be cheerful, but Jaime doubts anyone but him is detecting the underlying fake tone. "Selwyn, Brienne, may I present my son, Jaime? Son, meet Selwyn Tarth and his daughter."

Continue reading on ao3

[casshasfangs]

Cassius Halestorm's life was now divided into two sections: Pre-Stevie Nicks, and Post-Stevie Nicks. Of course, Pre-Stevie Cass had cared immensely about the band and put time and effort into making things sound good, but after the White Witch herself had written them a letter, things kind of blew up. They had to redirect fan mail to Piper, because the school owls were getting frustrated. The Slytherins were getting mad at him because Gryffindor first years kept trying to sneak into his dorm. Piper was owling them albums to sign, for fuck's sake. And then there was the practice, the writing  the furious injection of energy that the illustrious Stevie Nicks had thrust into the band. It was exhausting. Like the recording day, but every day.

So, when Cass crashed at night, he crashed hard. He was asleep by ten, which never happened, only because Shosh had the foresight to let him feed before practice that night instead of after. Even so, Cass was exhausted when he felt someone shoving his shoulder in the early hours of the morning.

Cass started, squinting as his assailant pointed his wand in Cass's face, the bright light blinding him. "Merlin's beard, can you fuck off? Put that light out." 

The prefect pursed his lips, then shoved Cass again. "Professor Izaak needs to see you. Come on, put your shoes on." 

"What? Why? What time is it?" Cass grumbled, still groggy as he rolled over in bed, convinced this was a prank from jealous Slytherins who were sick of the aforementioned first years.

"It's 3am, so you best not keep me up anymore, you prat." His roommate waved his wand and Cass's blanket was stripped off him. Cass literally growled and then leaned down to shove his feet in his converse sleepily. He was already wearing a band shirt and his flannel pyjama pants. He couldnt be arsed changing just for a prank.

He followed his roommate out to the common room, and Cass yawned as he walked out of the dungeon, covering his mouth and pausing, freezing in his tracks when he realised that this wasn't a prank. Professor Izaak stood at the entry to the Slytherin common room. It was odd seeing him in casual robes. 

"Professor?" Cass was wary when he noticed another witch with him. She wore auror's robes- and had a look about her that Cass was certain he'd seen her somewhere before. In the paper? With his Dad? "Professor  what's going on?"

"Evening, Cass," His Head of House looked more scruffy than usual, like a late evening shadow had appeared on his face. It made Cass uncomfortable, because Professor Izaak was always so put together. "The Headmistress needs to see you in her office, she's asked me to take you there now."

And then they left, with no mention of why the auror followed them. Cass kept looking at her out the corner of his eye, still slightly dazed from just being woken. He swallowed as he walked, trying hard to keep calm. They knew he was feeding from Shosh, surely that was it. Or that he hadn't signed his Census. They knew and he was getting thrown into Azkaban late at night. What would happen to the band? To his guitars? Who would tell Shosh? His Dad?

All of this fretting built as Cass was led up to the Professor McGonagall's office, and Cass heard the heartbeats of more humans than just his Headmistress. No, there were... Five people in her office. 

Cass swallowed, panic rising in him. The only calm constant he had was Professor Izaak, who he was certain would not lead him into danger so calmly. He'd been one of Cass's strongest advocates since day one.

This anxiety was not abated, though, when he was led into the room and realised that three of the people in the room were also aurors. Four, when you counted the one who had been following them. The auror at the door was particularly intimidating when gangly, awkward, pale Cass passed by him, about half the man's size. They were going to take him to Azkaban. He was done for. This was it.

He paled when Professor McGonagall turned, stepping towards her desk, revealing the other adult in the room.

Duncan Armstrong.

The Minister for fucking Magic.

"Thank you for fetching him, Gerolt. Take a seat, Mister Halestorm." His Headmistress said, and Cass blinked, nodding mutely. 

Cass's knees practically knocked as he moved to the indicated seat and sunk into it.

He wondered if maybe he should apologise, if admitting anything outright might win him some favour, or if he should go down denying that he’d ever fed from Shosh. Maybe he’d get some sympathy if he explained what happened with Pomonia. The Slytherin swallowed the lump in his throat as he looked between the adults in the room, eyes wide and terrified as they watched him.

The Headmistress spoke again, her tone unchanging from when she’d spoken earlier. “I’m afraid there is no easy way to deliver this news, Mister Halestorm, but it has come to our attention that your father has been the victim of a fatal attack on his return home from the Ministry. I’m very sorry you had to be told in such a manner but we thought it prudent you be made aware immediately.”

Cass blinked. What?

Maybe stunned silence wasn’t the reaction she had been expecting, because McGonagall pursed her lips into a very thin line as she informed him, “The Minister insisted he come and inform you directly.”

Cass was still staring straight ahead. What? What had she said? His father? Fatal attack? He blinked drearily, watching through hooded eyes as the Minister stepped forward, pulling his shoulders back. “Thank you, Headmistress. Cassius, I would, if I may, express my deepest sympathies to you. Your father and I have been working very closely over the past year and I am shocked that such a thing has occurred; rest assured when I tell you that we are doing everything we can to find out who is responsible. I also want you to know, from myself directly, that I’m willing to make this time for you as comfortable as I can. I’ll admit that I feel partly responsible, what with it happening so closely to the Ministry itself, but I feel obligated to your father to offer as much support to you as I can."

The boy frowned at the floor, and tilted his head. Partly responsible. The Minister for Magic felt partly responsible for what had happened? Not because he did nothing but fueled the flames of hatred that had been burning brighter than ever- but because apparently his Dad had been murdered in a politically inconvenient location. The first emotion Cass felt since he’d heard the news ripped through him as he looked up, gaze teary and hot and angry. The feeling didn’t go through to his voice, apparently, because it was flat and monotone by the time Cass looked up at the politician. “You are… Completely responsible. You did this. You want us to register like fucking dogs? You practically put the stake in their hand.” 

Heightened by the intense feelings he was experiencing, Cass heard the soft footsteps of his Head of House behind him. Professor Izaäk cleared his throat, eyeing the aurors carefully. Cass was not usually this brash- but the Minister had brought his personal aurors for a reason. They thought the boy was a threat. It was written all over Mirilla’s face and countenance. She had not moved from her position behind the Minister, but she also hadn’t moved her eyes off Cass. Watching him like he could lash out at any moment. Cass was oblivious to it.

It physically ached him when the Minister continued to speak. “I understand your frustration, Cassius, but your father and I were working to come to an agreement about the new regulations. It’s one of the reasons why it’s been taking so long; I wanted to be confident he was happy with the proposal before we moved forward with any action.” Cass closed his eyes and curled inward, trying desperately to continue breathing. His chest had started to ache- and every word from this man was twisting in his chest, making it harder and harder to breathe.

There’s silence for a moment, and Cass can sense them all watching him. The sound of so many heartbeats echoing in the room was maddening, so the teen opened his eyes and looked around. His Head of House was watching him with a soft, sympathetic look. Professor McGonagall was stoic as always, unreadable. It was a comfort to have nothing change. "How did this happen? He… he was staked, right? There's no other way. Who.. What happens now?" Cass asked his teachers, looking between them.

His shoulders hunched when Professor Izaäk opened his mouth to speak, but he was interrupted by the Minister. It hurt. It hurt so badly that Cass could barely comprehend what he was saying. Tears gathered in his eyes. “We’re not sure who is responsible, but I can promise you I have my very best from the Ministry’s Law Enforcement investigating the incident as we speak. As for our next move, our,” He gestured around the room while Professor McGonagall conjured a tissue, and Professor Izaäk brought it forward for the boy. Cass bunched it in his hand, almost like he wasn’t sure what to do with it. “biggest concern is your safety. I’ve some arrangements to make with Professor McGonagall - should you allow it, Headmistress - in regards to a few things we could do--”

“My safety? Why wouldn’t I be safe here? This is Hogwarts.” He frowns, his voice quiet and low. “I don’t want any arrangements. I wanna see my dad.” He says the last bit quietly, self-conscious now he’s noticed the aurors staring at him. “Can I see him? I’ve got.. There are things I’ve gotta…” He looks back at Prof Izaäk hoping for any kind of back up.

“We’ll sort that out for you, Cass, don’t worry.” The man said, giving him a reassuring nod.

The Slytherin was looking to him for that reassurance that they’d be able to do what needed to be done, when the Minister spoke again. “It’s better to be safe than sorry, Cassius—”

“There is no obligation, Mister Halestorm, to assume a regular school week. Should you wish to have the rest of the week absent from lessons, we would be happy to oblige...” The Scottish woman said clearly, having had rather enough of the Minister’s tone-deaf nonsense. She continued speaking, interrupting the Minister whenever he chose to open his mouth. Cass didn’t absorb most of it, honestly. She was talking about bereavement leave and who he could speak to, where he could go. A Professor being available to take him home, he could choose to bring a friend to support him, if their family gave permission. All he had to do was ask.

Cass nodded mutely, looking up and sniffling as he realised that despite being in a room full of people, he was completely and utterly alone.